Here Come's the Rain Followed by the Rainbows!

So, life has been a bit of a challenge wrapped up with a bit of delight. An oximoron? ha ha! Anywho, I've been searching for another job--perhaps a full time one. I have applied at numerous locations even to do things within retail (which I never thought I'd do again)... Such things as working at a Massage facility (discounted massages?), Archivers--The scrapbook store (discounted scrapping materials?), and so many other positions that are actually within my field of interest. I have advanced onto the next phase of the 911 dispatcher interviewing stages... On June 19th, 2009 I have another test with an interview to decide whether I move on again or not.

Also, I've decided to attempt (again) to get into the College of St. Scholastica-St. Paul Campus. I know it's a private college complete with hefty tuition. However, I know that I'll be done in 18 months, I'd be with my friends, and would only go like 2 nights a week. Plus, not to mention, I could probably get scholarships and grants for my tuition.

Well... I guess life is going okay outside of the stressful concept of money: I never have enough but yet I always have too many things to pay for! Oh well... I know that everything happens for a reason. My rainbow is coming!!

An end... and a beginning!

Last Friday I did something I was sure that was only a dream-- I graduated from college! It was definately a surreal experience, but it felt great. For those people that thought I would never do it-- I lifted my head and walked with pride. On top of it all, I actually graduated with honors!!! Then after my graduation, I was actually able to have a fabulous graduation party!! I actually then able to be with family, friends and other loved ones! It was a great party and I really enjoyed it all.

Now as I embark on my travels through life--I know that things can only get better. I'm currently trying to decide whether I want to attend UW-River Falls or UW-Stout. Both have great programs. One would allow me a fresh start; yet the other would allow me to familiarize myself with an old companion. I'm not sure as to which one to choose!!

"So don't go lickin' just any frog that says "LICK ME"-- That's the horny toad"

Wow, I can't believe it.... only 5 days and I will be walking in my graduation. It feels like a dream come true--Almost a bit surreal. Then the next day, is my PARRRTAY!

I've been working quite a bit of overnights at my job at Arbor place. It's great--I'm loving it! Actually, I got my first client hug from someone that was graduating. And, I was told that a client really likes it when I'm working! I basically get to go and spend my night scrapbooking. In fact, I finally finished a scrapbook for a friend--it was a baby book and I did a fantabulous job! :) Now I'm onto 2 more scrapbooks for other people. Eventually, I'll work on some of my own... But with these overnights--- I'll be there soon!

Then, last night... wow I went and saw some comedians perform at Grumpy's in Roseville, MN. They were super duper funny--- I laughed SO DARN hard that my laugh was noted by the entire audience. In fact, one comedian noted (while on stage) that I was his favorite! Then, the other comedian (which is a friend of Dad E's) came up to me after the show and stated that he LOVES my laugh! In fact the rest of the people that were with me stated that they were laughing sometimes because I was laughing so hard! In fact, the performance was recorded and so now I'm going to be the lady in the background with the LOUD ASS laugh!!!

Fantabulous and Scrapalicious

So, things appear to be looking up for me these days. Of course, I can't be sure, but I'll take whatever I can get!

I got a job offer at Willow Haven as a Mental Health Practitioner. Plus I just got a letter in the mail stating that I get to move onto the next step of interviewing to be a 911 dispatcher with Dunn County.

Also, I can't do my scrapbooking enough!! It's like when I get free time I'm working on a scrapbook. When I'm not doing my scrapbook, I'm thinking about doing it. Scrapbooking is like my drug of choice. It's in my blood and without it I go nuts!!! I'm loving it More and MORE.

Plus, my book SYBIL is getting really good. Although sad and twisted it's definately a great book--EVERYONE should read it!!

An easier time...

I just spent the day/night at my parents house in between shifts; I laid on the bed that my mom made up for me and thought about an easier time. I laid in the bed just staring off thinking about how safe and secure I felt just by simply lying in the bed. I reflected on a time when my life was so much easier and basically carefree. Although I fretted about the normal high school girl things: which guys I liked, my school work, which crowd I desired to be a part of, and how fast I could grow up; I now wish I could go back to this time of ease with everything I know now. Everything back then (although it seemed worse at the time) was a lot easier than what we go through now. Relationships were not as serious and overwhelming. Money did not control our lives. Finding ourselves was something we were doing on a daily basis, but did not have to TRY to do. And finally, happiness was something we felt; true and honest happiness embraced our daily lives! Oh, how I wish I could go back to this time. I wish that I could be who I was then--- a happy go luck gal! However, I just layed there on the bed, embracing the scents, the feelings and the thoughts knowing that I had to make a change in my life, because I know that I can be happy again!!

Finding Myself Not Far From Home...

So, like I mentioned I got a job---I have started it and enjoy it; although I must admit I'm still a bit at a loss as to what to do. However, I am confident that I will be just fine--I have great confidence in myself and my experience to get the job done! I do have to state also, that the drive is a bit boring---so if you know that I work and want to save me from my misery--call me PLEASE! :)

Being unemployed is teaching me about myself a little. For example, I think I want to start writing (again); I miss it and I have been away from it for WAY too long. Not to mention, many people have commented on my writing abilities which of course does not turn me away from the writing. I actually just submitted a writing sample to a local paper to see if I can be a free lance writer, also, I have applied to be a "part time reporter" for a somewhat local newspaper. Writing has always been an interest of mine; why not turn it into a money maker. (maybe I'll write a book??).

I have also found my interest in reading--oh my how I do love to write!! I actually have been reading Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreiber. Many people have heard of this case, but I think the book thus far (30 something pages in) is quite intriguing.

Although I'm not looking at living off of a part time job for too long, I have been looking for jobs that I'll find more interesting than just some ho hum job!! In fact, mom mentioned that I should apply to be a model (I thought she was nuts at first, but hey it's worth a try). So, perhaps I will simply find some laughter and a more concise reasoning not to do these things I'm doing--but I'm young and still capable to be picky with jobs and more precisely, life!

Amaretto Bliss...

So, the past few days have been more than busy (in fact, I don't even know where to start). Thursday-- I ventured to my parents' house to enjoy some good ol' small town (Elmwood) fun! I was able to break out the 4wheeler ("vrroom vrrrooom") and take Miss Karlee for a ride around the yard. Then, Friday brought upon many new and great adventures. I went out with my Uncle Paul (before he went to Iraq) to the bars in Menomonie, Wisconsin. Figuring it out I had about 8 double Amaretto Sours, 1 singler Amaretto sour, a Chuck Norris, a Cherry Dr. Mcguilicuddies (or something like that) and a vodka with cranberry. Oh and I have not laughed so hard in forever---My uncle was a complete riot (complete with his lack of inhibition). Oh and it helped that I was a bit on the intoxicated side. In fact, I went into the bathroom at the last bar (which humorously was the same as the first) and after having 3 double amaretto sours in like a 20-30 minute period, I was a bit tired; so, I decided to take a little bit of a nap on the sink counter. Oh a few seconds later, 2 young girls came and woke me up stating "hey friend." Oh, it was definately an interesting thing!

Plus, I got a job--- the pay isn't great and I have to drive 45 minutes to get there, but in the end it's something I want and enjoy to do.

The rest of the weekend was spent recovering from my night of blissful amaretto, relaxing and trying to enjoy the day of the large bunny (with a homosapien surprise inside).

It was a somwhat relaxing weekend, but busy at the same time!!!

DOWN TIME

Life has handed me some unexpected turns. Like, I was terminated from my job. Although I am still adjusting to this, and the fact that I was terminated for things that were petty, not my fault, or were outright lies! However, I guess I can not dwell on these things--- I realize that things happen for a reason. I am able to look at this situation as a one that will teach me a lot about myself and who I want to be!! I know that the organization I worked for was neither what I was looking for professionally, nor who I wanted to be supervised by. So, like all the other bumps in my life, I have to see this as a temporary detour--- perhaps a "short cut." I just have to continue to have faith and believe not only in myself, my abilities and the bigger picture. Of course monetarily, this change has not been the ideal situation, but it'll work out. I have put in tons of applications all over and actually have an interview on Monday evening at a Chemical Dependency facility.... doing what I had done before. Although the pay is less and what not.... I'm going for the interview because I NEED to get out there in the working world soon!! This Down Time is KILLING ME! Although I've been trying to make the best of my down time--I've been writing letters like I used to like to do, I'm reading, and trying to get caught up on my homework. Let's see where life brings me--- For now, it's down time and collecting unemployment, but give me a little bit of time and who knows what will happen!!

Anticipation...

Well, Josh and I have decided to go on the adventure of looking into buying our first home together. Granted, we originally were looking in the Hudson area, we soon came to the compromise of moving to Elmwood, WI. There are TONS of houses in the Elmwood area that we thought have looked cute, but one especially grasped our attention and now we are anticipating and hoping that it's a possibility not just a dream house! We would be like 1/4 a mile from my parents and of course Miss Karlee. I love the town! Plus, we would have like 1.4 acres of land. Well, we are super duper excited that this is a possibility. We are just waiting for the bank to make its call I guess. Check out the pictures.... perhaps you will fall in love! Oh and start working up those muscles because we will need helpers for moving!!!

Boundaries and Eye Exams

Today, I woke up at 5:30am with a lot on my mind--unable to go back to sleep.

I have been a bit worried that telling someone I thought was my supervisor something a bit "personal." I told my boss that I was having troubles breathing but was not sure whether this was because of my anxiety or because of some kind of bronchial infection. Well needless to say this person immediately conversed with the supervisor; then decided that I needed to talk to this supervisor about the situation at hand. Well, before even consulting this person the word "boundaries" was thrown in my face AGAIN. I'm a bit concerned about this word of "boundaries"--I mean according to all the professional code of ethics, my training, my professional experience, and my class work self disclosure is encouraged and actually a part of this whole profession of helping people. So, with that being said, if something is appropriate and in consideration that it is acceptable. Also, can one consider a conversation with a supervisor "self-disclosure??" This makes me fear for my job--- perhaps, I'm overreacting, but it is a likelihood. But maybe it's for the best??

After a nap for a few hours, Josh and I took off to the Oak Park Heights Wal-Mart for our eye exams. I got set up with contacts. I also got a new pair of glasses--ooh eee they are super cute, colorful and make me look quite creative/artistic. I can't wait to get them--should have them by next week (I will post pictures soon). I like my contacts--- I just think they may take some getting used to.

Then I spent the remainder of the evening, hanging out with my hubby and our friend, Jason (aka "Franchise).

Overall, a pretty good day. Some worries, followed with fun and glamour. I guess with that I'm signing out! Nighty Night!

Chaos...

According to Scott Peck, "the truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

Last night, I experienced one of my somewhat usual panic attacks. I have not experienced one of these in quite sometime. I guess it's partially because I have not been doing my self care tasks that I used to incorporate into my somewhat daily lifestyle. It could also have to deal with my somewhat recent stress that i have added onto my plate recently. I have my new job (which sometimes means longer hours), I have been debating what school to go into, and a lot more tings than I can bare. Sometimes it just takes more from me than I have been able to give.

However, I believe that I will try to find some release. I realize that I may be banking more on my decisions than I should. I realize that with whatever I decide to do, I will be able make the best of it. Also, I know I will be great.

I am new to this bloggin' thing!

Well, I'm not exactly sure on where to start... but perhaps i should just start with what's going on in my life at this point and time.
Well, I am a Recreational Therapist, and I'm actually falling in love with my job (after some previous hesitations). I have the cutest office--it's not much larger than a closet, but it's MINE and that's all that really counts! My office is my relaxation point in my life; it's mine and I can go there and do whatever I need and want to do! Sometimes I stay late at work just to catch my breath, or to just compile myself.
I have recently discovered that I'm failing to utilize my coping skills that I have found to deal with feeling anxious and depressed; so, I'm trying to get back into the "swing of things." I find myself having troubles falling asleep, but end up sleeping many hours (too many actually) into the next day!
I am fascinated by mental illnesses and I surprise myself with how many various skills and coping techniques I have been able to utilize in helping others (and myself) and to better understanding Mental illness in general.
I hae been trying to get into a social work program and have applied at Metro State, College of St. Scholastica and UWRF-- I guess I will see where I will be in the fall.
Well, I really didn't want this to be this long, but just some things that have been weighing heavy on my mind lately.